The Phoenix
by Snarkymuch
Summary: The five times Tony thought he'd let Yinsen down, and the one time he knew he didn't. A short story of striving to be better and in the end being greeted by those you've lost.


Gravel and rock fell as the cave settled from the last explosion, but Tony didn't register it. His attention was on the man laid out against the ammunition crates.

As he tried to urge the man to his feet, Yinsen confessed the truth, and for a moment, Tony's grip on reality faltered. It had always been the other man's plan to meet his family again—except it wasn't in life Yinsen had planned on greeting them. It was in death.

He'd planned to give his life to save Tony's from the start.

He found himself blinking, stunned at the notion someone would give themselves to let him live. He wasn't the type of man who deserved that kind of sacrifice.

He was brought back from his thoughts by Yinsen's catching breaths. He didn't need to be a doctor to know the other man was close to his last.

Tony had never watched death take someone so intimately before. His weapons had taken life, but that was different—this was someone he knew.

Part of him wanted to shy away, to close his eyes, but that seemed like dishonoring his sacrifice, so instead, he watched as the doctor's eyes struggled to stay open.

"Thank you for saving me," Tony said before it was too late, knowing it would never be enough.

The other man drew a choking breath, eyes blinking open so his gaze could fall on him one last time. His voice was quiet as he spoke, "Don't waste it. Don't waste your life."

Tony's mouth twitched, but he gave a small nod, knowing that those words would never leave him. It was at that moment his life changed forever.

He needed to make Yinsen proud. He needed to make his life worth it. No more wasting his chances. He had to be a better man.

* * *

1.

Yinsen's words were never far from his thoughts—there in the background, reminding him of his pledge to do better, to be better.

He knew the moment he got home from the desert what needed to be done, shutting down weapons manufacturing.

No more blood on his hands. He already had enough of that.

It seemed like a tiny step, a mere drop in the bucket, but it was a start.

There was so much he wanted to do to honor the doctor's memory, but before he had the chance to begin, his heart was yanked from his chest.

He watched, paralyzed, as Obadiah walked from the room, reactor in hand, and a feeling of failure washed over him.

If Obadiah got away, if he died, then Yinsen sacrificed his life for nothing.

As he lay there struggling, his thoughts were on Yinsen and the promise he had made to himself that day.

_Don't waste your life. _

He hadn't done enough yet. It couldn't be his time.

A fire began to burn inside him, and he pulled himself forward, clawing his way across the room to the workbench where the gift from Pepper sat. A glass case that contained his first heart—the heart Yinsen had helped put inside him.

Smashing it on the floor, he took it in hand and thought of the doctor as he placed it in his chest.

As life began to return to him, he vowed to do better

He'd watched death take the last breath from Yinsen and tasted his own death twice. There was no telling how much time he had to become a better man. He couldn't afford to waste another day.

* * *

2.

Like a specter in the shadows, death seemed to follow Tony, brushing against his life.

Eight months had passed since the day he'd been betrayed by Obadiah, since the man he'd known like family had torn the heart from his chest.

Obadiah was dead, and life moved on. He kept his promise, refusing to sell his tech to the government—not wanting any part of bringing more death to the world.

But death and failure were never far away, standing hand in hand in the wings, waiting for their moment to enter the stage.

He didn't need to wait long. What kept him alive began to kill him, and hope soon slipped away. Yinsen's words were pushed aside, and instead of trying to live, he challenged death to take him faster.

Death nearly took him for the third time, but fate intervened, and a new reactor glowed brightly in his chest.

Looking down, he touched the blue light, realizing that once again he'd failed to be a better man. He'd given up before his time. He hoped when he saw Yinsen again, he'd forgive him for not doing better.

* * *

3.

Ultron rose, and Sokovia fell. They'd saved as many as they could, but lives were still lost.

Blood stained his hands—blood that would stay with him forever.

As the team went home and congratulations were said, Tony shied away, a shadow settling over him.

He wasn't proud of what he'd done, and Yinsen wouldn't be either.

* * *

4.

"That shield doesn't belong to you." Tony struggled to move in his suit, but the reactor was dead. "You don't deserve it. My father made that shield!"

Steve stopped, raising his chin. Lifting his arm, he let the shield fall to the floor, the clang echoing in the vacant space.

Without looking back, Steve left him behind as the cold began seeping through Tony's suit.

He'd never admit it out loud, but when the shield had shattered his reactor, it may as well have been his heart.

Another betrayal.

A mirthless laugh broke from him that turned into a sob, tears slipping hot and fast down his cheeks.

He had to be better than this.

* * *

5.

His hands shook as he held them where Peter once lay, the dust still drifting in the air.

Pain and hate and regret swirled in him.

He'd lost the kid.

But despite the odds, he made it back to Earth, only to learn he hadn't just lost Peter.

They'd lost it all.

Was this his legacy?

Failure.

* * *

+1.

"I am inevitable." Thanos snapped, but the world kept moving.

The Titan turned his hand in confusion, eyes falling to now-empty slots on the gauntlet. He looked to Tony who raised his gauntlet covered hand, stones glowing brightly.

He thought back to the beginning, to the sound of clanking metal as he built his first suit. He thought back to all the mistakes he'd made and the people he'd hurt.

Was it a good life?

He thought of Pepper's face as she cried at their wedding, eyes so full of love, and of his little girl the first time he held her, his heart growing bigger than he ever thought it could.

It had been more than a good life. It had been the best.

The power of the stones burned his flesh. He couldn't waste more time. Gritting his teeth, he framed his desire in his mind and brought his fingers together, looking Thanos in the eye.

"And I … am … Iron Man."

His fingers snapped.

It happened quickly, life leaving him.

Stumbling, he fell to the ground, a sense of peace washing over him.

He'd finally made it worth it.

He could rest.

His pain melted away, and he found himself waking from a sleep he couldn't recall. Looking around, he realized he was sitting on a beach, the sand soft beneath his palms. He squeezed his fingers in it, feeling the fine texture.

The sun was rising wherever he was, and the air was warm. Two figures began approaching from down the shore, and Tony pushed himself to his feet, brushing the sand from his hands.

He stood frozen as they closed the distance, his gaze flicking between them, unable to believe his eyes. They were people that he never thought he'd see again.

"It's good to see you again," Natasha said, smiling in a way he'd never seen, the lines of stress and worry gone. "We've been waiting."

A smile spread across his face, and he laughed, stepping forward and pulling her into a crushing hug. "Where are we?"

She laughed, returning the hug just as fiercely. "Not really sure. You picked this, not us."

A hand touched his shoulder, and he looked to see Yinsen giving him a fond smile.

Letting go of Natasha, he faced the doctor who'd given his life to save his own all those years ago.

"Finally, we meet again." Yinsen adjusted his glasses. "You've done such great things."

"I tried," Tony said. "I know I didn't get it all right, but in the end, I hope I made you proud."

Yinsen's eyes twinkled in the morning light. "You lived and loved, and when the time came, you gave the greatest gift anyone can give to save another, your life. The world still breathes because of you. Of course, I'm proud."

"Thank you," Tony said.

A warm smile spread over Yinsen's face as he clasped Tony's shoulder. "Come, Tony. Some people are waiting to see you."


End file.
